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Bring It On

By Smoove B
Love Man

      Girl, if you have any question in your mind as to whether I can satisfy you, bring your body to me now.

      Smoove B will satisfy you.

      Bring it on to me, and I will love you like nobody can. I will sex you like nobody can. I will freak you like nobody can.

      I am ready for you now.

      Lay your body down, and I will show you love. I will drape you in the finest blouses. I will travel to France to attain these blouses. Then, I will run my fingers through your neck hair. I will caress your body slowly and whisper in your ear while I do so. I will tell you such things as, "You are the most beautiful woman in the world" and "Your skin is like the most expensive pearls money can buy" and "Your eyes are like windows to Spain," and other romantic things that will make you tremble with desire.

      I will hit you doggy-style.

      All you have to do is tell me what to do and when to stop. And I promise, you will not want it to stop until the break of dawn.

      But, if at any point you do want me to stop to try something different, just let me know. Your feedback is very important. Please help me to help you.

      Bring your body to me now, and I will show you a night of love that you have never known. I will take you to a level that no lover could ever take you. We will be in the atmosphere. I will take you higher and higher, to heaven and even further. We will be love astronauts, colonizing other planets with our passion. We will bump to Jupiter. Grind to Pluto.


      The next morning, I will cook breakfast for you. I will cook up eggs each in a different style for you to choose from. There will be hard-boiled eggs, over easy eggs, deviled eggs, scrambled eggs and even an eggs sandwich. There will be a smorgasbord of taste sensations for your tender lips to enjoy.

      I will then pick a beautiful daisy from outside the bedroom window and put it in an elegant glass vase upon your food tray. The tray will be only the finest food tray from the far reaches of the earth.

      I will also serve orange juice, fresh from concentrate.

      Aw, please, girl. Bring your sugar to me, and I will show you that my back is strong. You will ride me all day and all night and will never want to stop.

      Baby, I want your brown sugar right now. Freak me on my desk right this second. Give it up to Smoove B. Take a ride on his Caravan of Love.

      I am the man of your dreams and desires. I will satisfy you, if only you would allow me the pleasure. I will swear on my honor as a man that I will do you right until the morning light. I will fulfill your every wish. And I will use oils if necessary.

      So, in conclusion, let me summarize by saying that I will drape you in blouses and hit you doggy-style, I need your feedback,  I will feed you eggs of every kind and variety, and my back is strong.

      Bring it on

      Smoove B's syndicated column, I'll Treat You Right, appears weekly in over 250 newspapers nationwide.

Original at: The Onion.


Copyright 2001 Onion, Inc., All rights reserved.

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Copyright 2001 Onion, Inc., All rights reserved.